Afraid to Create

afraid1I am a voracious consumer of media. I am also a media creator.

I have always loved music.  I used to be in a band.  Well, technically I still am.  We just recorded some new demos after a 20 year hiatus.

I have always loved movies.  I went to film school.  I am a filmmaker by trade.

I love to read.  I have written two books so far.

So, while it would seem that I am doing pretty good in the media creation department, the fact is creating is a hard business.  There is so much resistance, internally and externally, that keeps me from producing things.  It’s a never ending battle.  While it’s certainly easier to create new things once you have established a pattern of starting and finishing things in the past, it’s still just hard.

I used to spend a lot of time talking about writing a book prior to writing my first book.  Like talking about it was a substitute for doing it.  Eventually, someone called me out for being all talk.  They were right.

The truth is, and I am borrowing this idea from someone else, though I can’t remember who: I hate writing, but I love having written.  I hate editing, but I love having edited.

At the end of the day, I have to guard against creating more media than I consume.  It’s easy to watch a movie, listen to a record, or read a book and feel more creative for having done it.  Sure, those things have a way of feeding the soul.  But they are not a substitute for creating new and original things.

Somewhere inside, I am still fearful of creating.  Afraid that I won’t like it.  Afraid that I won’t finish it.  Afraid that other people won’t like it.

So, I am putting out a challenge to myself to make sure I can push through and overcome the resistance, and my fear.  For every hour of media I consume, I need to create an hour of original content.  An hour of writing, video creation, music composition, and anything associated with it.  I have to earn time consuming content created by creating some of my own.

I’ll keep you posted on my progress.